Reporting for Duty, 07:30 tomorrow morning

Well, civilian life has sure been awesome!

Tomorrow morning I finally become an Israeli soldier, pretty amazing. These past two months in Israel have been nothing short of phenomenal.

The most popular question I have been asked this past week is: "Are you excited or nervous to join the army?". The answer is that I'm neither. I don't think I'll ever be excited to fight... War is gruesome and much of the military experience can be incredibly negative. Unfortunately it's necessary. My answer is that "I'm ready". I've had 7 years to consider this decision and since making it in May, I've had over half a year to mentally prepare. I know that I would much rather have fun, enjoy life with friends, learn at school or yeshiva, or work in an industry that I enjoy (like hospitality). I'm joining the army because I feel it's my responsibility to do so. Even though I may not enjoy the everyday activities, I know that this is the right decision for me and that I will ultimately be happier by having served in the Israeli army. Once tomorrow, 7:30am arrives I will no longer be "Zachary Waxer". I will be "Zachary Waxer, property of the Israeli Government". In anything that I commit to I give 110% and this will be no different. I may be property, but I'll have an ownership mentality. I'll do my best and I have the confidence and competence to be a damn good soldier.

I'm not excited. I'm not nervous. I am ready.

Thank You

My favorite holiday of the year is finally here, Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving means playing football, eating great food with family, watching Independence Day, having a very political conversation/debate, Conquering the World in Risk, and staying up all night playing video games to get a good sale on some trivial item during black Friday.

This year, however I'll be spending my Thanksgiving in Yeshiva.

I have actually been keeping quite busy studying at Aish Hatorah, an ultra-orthodox Yeshiva located literally right across from the Western Wall. I'm in what's called The Essentials course. Most people that know of Aish think it is a fairly brainwashing institution, but I think it depends on what your definition of brainwashing is. I definitely haven't drunk the kool-aid, though it is available everyday for lunch (in two flavors!). I have greatly increased my understanding and knowledge of the Jewish Religion and have changed my views on what type of Jew I want to be.

I have always felt that Judaism is one of, if not the most important aspect of my life. I have always been active in my temple: I've led services since the 4th grade, served on the Worship Committee and Long Range Planning Committee, became a bar-mitzvah, was active in the local youth group as the Religious and Cultural Vice President, and recently taught both Religious and Hebrew School. I have always felt a connection to Judaism, but it was always a vague connection. I now have some definition.

I know that G-d is one. Many misunderstand this as the belief in one G-d, there is a difference. I also believe that G-d gave Moses The Torah, both written Torah and much (if not all) oral Torah. I have come to this conclusion of my own accord as it makes the most logical sense given all evidence that I have been provided with at this point in my life. This means that I will at some point (after the army) learn and study the Torah to uphold the commandments. As different as this type of lifestyle is from most of Modern Day Society, I get it. It's beautiful. It fosters goodness, teaches children how to be good people. It creates successful marriages and meaningful relationships. It promotes and provides a meaningful and joyous way of life. I want my children to be able to experience Shabbas and to be able to understand the lessons from the Torah and history of my People.

I'm still not sure if I'm going to make Aliyah, or what I want to do with my life (to spread goodness), but I do know how I want to live my life.

I've been attending an amazing seminar entitled the "Possible You" provided by Rabbi Yom Tov Glaser. It's been incredibly insightful and very moving. I had a breakthrough today during one of the exercises. Since my teenage years I have found it very difficult to remember a lot of my youth. I figured I blocked most of it out and would never be able to remember. Today, during the seminar I was able to see SO much of my past. The Good, the bad and the ugly. I saw an image of myself at 4 years old and understood who I used to be. I took my four year old self through my life, one important moment to the next. He is free of all of the shields I have put up over the years, free of the drama, the negativity, the bad decisions. He's me before I stopped being me. Now I understand more of who I am. I did something I've only done once in the past 6 years. I cried.

I am so thankful for the upbringing that I had. For the family that supported and loved me. My beautiful mother, caring and nurturing me. My wonderful father, always guiding me in the right direction. My amazing siblings who gave me endless opportunities.

I was never a good role model for my siblings. I cared less about them than what I did the outside world. In my attempt to fit in with my peers I developed into someone who wasn't me. The closer I got to my goal of "being cool" the further I got from my values. I ended up hurting a lot of people. I lashed out at my family; they clashed with my goals. I destroyed my relationships with my brother and sister. Thankfully, with the help of some advice from a mentor and friend I was able to start mending my relationship with my sister before I left for Israel. Hopefully I will be able to create a sense of trust with my brother so that we can rekindle having a real relationship as well. Mom, Dad, Kira and Ben thank you so much for being my family. You are a Blessing and I love all of you very much.

What makes something Good or Evil depends on what is True

Here are two questions, please comment with your answers/opinions and provide your reasoning:

1. Without God, what defines Good and Evil?

2. Without the Bible, what defines Good and Evil?

This is in relation only to an Absolute Good and an Absolute Evil.

Have a Wonderful Shabbat!

What does that have to do with the price of Tea in China?

It is hard to believe that it's been an entire month since my return to Israel! A month ago today I took possibly the largest leap of faith I have ever taken, leaving my family, friends and life I had been living behind to pursue an ideological value. It's interesting that for over the past year I have been constantly working to control my emotions, using my intellect to determine the correct response. Coming to Israel was a truly emotional idea. Logically I should have stayed in California, and I am glad that I didn't. It's also interesting that today happens to be the first day of Kislev (one of the months in the Jewish Calendar), the same month of Hanukah.

This past Thursday I visited Kibbutz Tzuba, where I stayed in 2004 on the EIE program. Some of my most vivid memories and some of my most profound realizations are from Tzuba. This was the first place I experienced in Israel, the first place I lived in Israel. To me, Tzuba remains in some small part of my brain the very idea of what Israel is. I had not been to the Kibbutz in 5 years. On the bus-ride over, I was delighted to see the familiar towns as we started to approach the Kibbutz. I remembered each turn and curve on the road and knew which direction the bus was going to take before it actually took it. It was like reading an old book you haven't read in a while, you know how the story is going to unfold and what turns the plot is going to make, but you're excited at the story and nostalgic for when you first read it. Once I got to the Kibbutz, I was greeted by the familiar sights and smells. I started walking around, reacquainting myself with this home away from home. I walked past the classrooms and the hotel rooms, remembering the good times spent there. I passed by some of the current EIE kids and was shocked at how young they seemed to me. My memories of myself must not age much. I walked up to the Tel, which was a crusader fortress. And then I walked to the tree. There is a tree at Kibbutz Tzuba that is very very old. There are benches by the tree, with a spectacular view of the Judean Hills. One of my most powerful images I have from EIE is sneaking up to the tree with some other kids from EIE and smoking hookah. At the time I was reading The Tanakh. It was a beautiful, sunny day. The weather was perfect, just a pleasant breeze coming through. As I looked out at those beautiful Judean Hills it hit me - the connection. The understanding that I was part of a lineage dating back to Abraham and that years ago Abraham was walking in these very hills. It was a realization that altered my understanding of the World and history and of purpose. This spot that I returned to was responsible for a great deal of the mindset that I continue to have. To me, this very spot represents the physical connection between the Land of Israel and myself. Returning to the tree was as powerful as returning to the Western Wall. Seeing and touching the Western Wall represents my return to The Torah. Seeing and touching the tree represents my return to the physical Land of Israel.

I couldn't stop smiling as I wrote that last paragraph.

After seeing the tree, I was able to meet with Reuven my Jewish History and Culture teacher from EIE. Reuven lives at Kibbutz Tzuba and made Aliyah to Israel over 40 years ago. He is not religious, yet has a limitless amount of knowledge of the Tanakh, of the History of the Jewish People, and the Hebrew Language. He is an incredibly proud Israeli and one of the wisest people I have ever met. I consider him to be a role model. We had a nice conversation, ranging from reminiscing about my EIE class and who has returned to Israel to politics to what it means to be a Jew. It is Reuven's opinion (and the more I consider it, the more I tend to agree) that the one most important aspect The Jewish people is the Hebrew Language. It is the glue that holds the People together, ties them to our History, and creates a unique Culture. This is a very interesting statement with many implications, and I would love to dive deeper into the subject on a more personal basis if any of you would like. Let me provide you with just one example:
Translate the following phrase from English to Hebrew: "What does that have to do with the price of Tea in China?"
The History of this phrase comes from the English History, when Tea traders would buy tea from China for very cheap and then ship the tea to be sold in Great Britain for exorbitant prices. Because the product was the same, but the cost was such a variable depending on geographic location, this phrase came to represent a discord. In other words - what does 'A' have to do with 'B'?
The Hebrew Translation: "What does the Shmitta (The Sabbatical Year) have to do with Mt. Sinai?"
This translation, now a phrase in modern Hebrew is a direct quote from Rashi! Rashi is one of the most pivotal Rabbis in Jewish History and wrote a large portion of the Talmud. In the Torah, the Shmitta directly follows the events at Mount Sinai and Rashi asks in his commentary what the connection is. In other words - what does 'A' have to do with 'B'?
Language is an imprint of the History, Culture, and Religion through time. Hebrew preserves the essence of what it means to be a Jew through the act of reading and writing.

One of the reasons I decided to return to Israel was to reconnect and redefine where I stand Religiously. I was brought up Reform and for most of my life have seriously considered becoming a Reform Rabbi. Unfortunately, over the past few years I became lazy when it came to practicing the religion. I did not attend services regularly (or at all) or make any effort to keep Shabbat. I relied solely on the values and teachings of Judaism in my everyday to help guide me to make the right decisions, but I did not make any effort to pursue further knowledge. At some level I knew that I was spiritually starving.

I now live in Jerusalem, the holiest place in the world for Jews. I have unlimited opportunities to learn and to grow. I've started attending services and keeping Shabbat. I've even put on tefillin once or twice. I've kept Kosher since returning to Israel. And I've just completed my first week at the Yeshiva Aish Hatorah which is located in The Old City, literally overlooking the Western Wall.

It is really interesting to go to Reform Services and Orthodox services and to note the differences and similarities between them. One of my friends is attending the Rabbinical school at HUC here in Jerusalem and I was able to attend a service she led last week. It was beautiful and joyous. The songs were happy and cheerful and I believe that one could absolutely connect with God during such a service. Orthodox services on the other hand, are much less about the group and much more personal. The women don't even pray in the same area as the men, to keep the mind focused on prayer. In fact, the idea of a woman leading services is incredibly foreign to most orthodox Jews. This is, however the traditional form of Jewish prayer and has not really changed in the past 2000 years. I believe that one could absolutely connect with God during such a service as well. A week ago I went to a Havdala service (The service ending the Shabbat and separating it from the week to come) at a Chasidic (ultra-orthodox) Rabbi's house. I was the only non black hat there. All of the melodies they sang were completely foreign to me, but absolutely beautiful. They were simple, but very moving. Tribal almost. The closest thing that I could relate it to would be a Klingon war song. Very interesting experience, I probably won't forget it for as long as I live.

As I mentioned a little earlier, I started studying at Aish. I am always interested in learning and decided that the downtime I have before the army is perfect. The classes have been very interesting, if a bit basic. I am in the Essentials program, which is the Introductory program for the Yeshiva and goes over the ideology behind what it means to be a Jew, Jewish Values, how to be Good person, etc. Originally I thought I would be diving straight into studying the Torah and the Talmud and was a bit put-off by how basic the classes really were. I consider myself to be a Good person, with basic Jewish Values and with a basic understanding of Judaism. I even consider myself to be somewhat enlightened. I realized, though, that this is a different form of Judaism than what I am used to and what I was brought up in. While a lot of the ideology and concepts are similar, there are a few major differences between Reform and Orthodox. To me, the main question is the very legitimacy of the current Oral Torah. According to the Judaism that I was raised in, the Written Torah is the number one most important tool for Jews. According to Orthodox Judaism, the Oral Torah is just as important and just as legitimate. It is a difficult concept, and one that I look forward to wrestling with for the foreseeable future. Starting with the Essentials program is not unlike studying different forms of Martial Arts. One might attain a black belt in HopKiDo, but if he wants to study Shou Shu he will start that art with a White Belt. While a lot of the material from one art form mirrors, complements, and can be utilized in the other, doing so requires an understanding of the new art form. So too must I now approach these classes with humility and an open mind. I'm eager to learn as much as I can and to truly wrestle with the subject material.

Israel truly is a small world. I have run into SO many people randomly: old friends, tourists, and my new friend Lucas. About a week and a half ago I was walking to The Jewish Quarter in the Old City to start my first day of classes at Aish. Randomly, this guy came up to me and asked for directions to the Western Wall. I decided to show him how to get there, since I was also going. His name is Lucas. We started talking and as it turns out, he was also starting classes at Aish that same day! Not only that, but he is doing the same army program I am doing, will be drafted the same day as me, and we will be in the same basic training camp for the first 3 months! What's really interesting, though, is that in a lot of ways he is who I saw myself as 4 years ago. He is 19, a Libertarian and fiercely proud American. He is very sure of himself and quick to act, quick to talk, quick to emotion. He has very specific views of the Arab world and Muslim religion that I once shared. It is almost as if looking into a mirror and seeing a reflection of a younger me. I have gained a lot of tools over the past few years, especially after working at Carmel Valley Ranch. I have become much more calm and rational, much more in control of my emotions and much more open minded about the World. But I did lose something... maybe I am a bit too detached.

Lastly, I am very much looking forward to joining the army. While I have been learning a lot, experiencing a lot, and enjoying life I came here for a reason. I'm not sure which unit I'm going to serve in yet, but I'm giving serious consideration to trying out for paratroopers. Another thing I'm seriously considering is making Aliyah. I'm not going to make the decision until after the army, but not a day goes by that I don't think about it. Each time I think about it I lean more and more towards staying in Israel. It's getting harder and harder to imagine leaving. I'm happy here. More than that, it's the opportunity to live in the promised land. The Covenant is a central aspect of Judaism. I still love America. And Baseball. And Apple pie. I just also love Felafel.

When Will We Grow Up?

Do you know what I want more than anything? World Peace. Not the kind of peace that beauty pageant contestants say. Not the kind of peace that exists when Nations are not at war with each other. Not the hippie two fingered salute of non-action. I want an active Peace. A bold, loud, daring peace. I want brother helping brother, man helping man. The type of peace where hunger and starvation do not exist because we, humanity will not allow it. I want the type of peace where anger and discomfort, hate and evil become eradicated from the very fabric of what it means to be human. These need to be replaced. Someday, if this experiment that is humanity succeeds, they will be. Curiosity will replace anger, Comfort will consume discomfort. Love will destroy hatred. And Good will triumph over evil.

Today, the world operates on fabricated principles of necessity. We, The People are maintained by Nations. Our actions are controlled by these Nations, by our Culture, and by our unique Individualities. Our systems maintain presence through the form of currency and might. This is the Best solution for mankind?

Our energy is created through non renewable resources. Why? Can we not truly discover a better way?

People become content with the every-day aspect of their lives and cease learning. Why? Have they lost passion?

People literally starve to death. Why? Do we not have the resources and capability to feed the world? We do.

Understand that today we (the fortunate souls in America and like-modeled Countries) are free. This is, truly remarkable. It is a HUGE step forward in the evolution of the mindset of humanity. For each person to have the opportunity to reach their full potential is unprecedented. But do not become complacent. Yearn for more. Strive for more. Each moment is an opportunity, each opportunity a gift.

I know the path to Active Peace, though it cannot be attained in our lifetime. The answer is actually, very simple. Be Good. Pursue goodness and righteousness, and do it actively. Each moment. Each opportunity. Destroy Evil. Do not destroy evil with hatred, but hate each and every evil act. Actively seek out evil, and blot it out. Treat your fellow humanity with humanity. Be passionate about learning. Learn about the World around you, and learn about Yourself. Each encounter is an opportunity to learn. Teach these values to your children and make sure they teach these values to their children. And have hope. Hope that someday humanity will exist as more than the sum of its parts. Where we can explore the universe that exists both in the stars and the universe that exists in every human being.

That is what I yearn for. That is what I strive for. That is the future that I live for and that I will continue to pursue.

Two Weeks In

I realize that it's been too long since my last post, but honestly it's hard for me to decide what to write about.

Stream of consciousness?

The past two weeks have definitely not been real life. First of all, I'm back in Israel. It's awesome! People speak Hebrew, I buy food in The Shuk, I ride the bus, and the Humus is delicious. Secondly, life is like a vacation. I'm not working, almost all my time is free time. I've been walking everywhere. I've explored like half of Jerusalem and most of Tel Aviv. Lastly, I've been reconnecting with friends who in some cases I haven't seen in 6 years! These are good people, happy people. People that pick up our friendships right where we left them.

The last two weeks have had NO structure. I started my army paperwork, but still have a number of things I need to complete. My first day I walked to the Western Wall, very emotional. I am planning on having Shabbat services there tonight.

My friends here are all very different from when I last knew them, but they are also the same. Political views change, Religious views change, Hebrew improves, but what makes each person unique is definitely there.

Now that I've had some time to settle in and I'm not going crazy trying to see everyone I've created a routine that I can start next week to start regulating my time here and focus on the goal at hand, joining the army. December 15th. Everyone I know who has been through the army each took something out of their experience, but most did not enjoy their time and all have said that it is very hard. I hear them, but I am confident. Confident in myself and in my decision. I know I am making the right choice.

For those of you who have not had this conversation with me, here's why I am joining the Israeli army:

Israel exists. The realities of Israel being in existence necessitate the need for an army to defend itself. Israel is the Jewish Homeland. If I want my future children and their children to have the opportunity to experience and/or live in Israel, then I have to do my part to help defend it. There are, of course other factors I considered, but that is the core of the reason for my return to Israel.

I definitely miss my family, friends, dog and car back home... but I am happy here. Over the past couple of years, I definitely felt as if something was missing and over the past two weeks that emptiness has started to fill.

Lastly, I know my mom is probably having a hard time with her two boys away from home. I love you mom. Thank you for being supportive of me and my decision. I am doing well, I will continue to do well, and you will see me again.

Peace.

My Heart is in the East

Israel. For over two thousand years we have yearned to have a homeland, to be a free people in a free nation. To uphold the covenant and return to The Promised Land; to pray at The Western Wall. That place is finally a reality. Israel today exists as a free, democratic Jewish nation. The people that live here are incredibly diverse. The land of Israel contains the vast majority of the history for the Jewish people: it is here that God promised Abraham, here that David built his kingdom, here that Israel has defended itself and prospered for the last 62 years. I first experienced Israel in 2004, on a semester program called EIE with an unbelievable group of quality kids and teachers, and since I set foot on this holy land I knew that a part of me will always belong here.

Since my return I have been on many adventures (which I will post about very soon), but it is the intangibles that have touched me the most. When advocating for Israel in America, most will ask why some get so passionate, and look for an explanation as to why Israel is special. The answer usually consists of the ideology behind the modern country and the Jewish people, and an explanation of the realities of the situation. This answer, however does not do the country justice. I feel that to truly "get" Israel and to truly understand why this place is so special, one must actually experience this land for themselves. The wonder that is Israel cannot be taught, it can only be learned. One must understand the history, and then become part of it. The wonder of Israel exists because Israel itself exists.

My friend Avi told me a few nights ago (in a very British accent): "I wasn't concerned about you when you left IDC and Herzeliya 4 years ago. I knew you had 'the bug, the itch', you understood. I knew you would return. Welcome Home." As I walked back to my apartment from that conversation I saw a family across the street in a beautiful Jerusalem park. I could just barely hear the children, who were playing on the merry-go-round. They were laughing... in Hebrew. I couldn't contain my smile as I realized that it was so true, I do have the bug... and I do feel Home.

Last couple steps

Well, I fly out October 6th and am currently finalizing all the details required to move overseas. I am currently trying to sell my car, so if anyone is interested please let me know... it's a 2008 Honda Civic SI coupe with less than 40,000 miles on it. I'm asking $17500 obo.