Thank You

My favorite holiday of the year is finally here, Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving means playing football, eating great food with family, watching Independence Day, having a very political conversation/debate, Conquering the World in Risk, and staying up all night playing video games to get a good sale on some trivial item during black Friday.

This year, however I'll be spending my Thanksgiving in Yeshiva.

I have actually been keeping quite busy studying at Aish Hatorah, an ultra-orthodox Yeshiva located literally right across from the Western Wall. I'm in what's called The Essentials course. Most people that know of Aish think it is a fairly brainwashing institution, but I think it depends on what your definition of brainwashing is. I definitely haven't drunk the kool-aid, though it is available everyday for lunch (in two flavors!). I have greatly increased my understanding and knowledge of the Jewish Religion and have changed my views on what type of Jew I want to be.

I have always felt that Judaism is one of, if not the most important aspect of my life. I have always been active in my temple: I've led services since the 4th grade, served on the Worship Committee and Long Range Planning Committee, became a bar-mitzvah, was active in the local youth group as the Religious and Cultural Vice President, and recently taught both Religious and Hebrew School. I have always felt a connection to Judaism, but it was always a vague connection. I now have some definition.

I know that G-d is one. Many misunderstand this as the belief in one G-d, there is a difference. I also believe that G-d gave Moses The Torah, both written Torah and much (if not all) oral Torah. I have come to this conclusion of my own accord as it makes the most logical sense given all evidence that I have been provided with at this point in my life. This means that I will at some point (after the army) learn and study the Torah to uphold the commandments. As different as this type of lifestyle is from most of Modern Day Society, I get it. It's beautiful. It fosters goodness, teaches children how to be good people. It creates successful marriages and meaningful relationships. It promotes and provides a meaningful and joyous way of life. I want my children to be able to experience Shabbas and to be able to understand the lessons from the Torah and history of my People.

I'm still not sure if I'm going to make Aliyah, or what I want to do with my life (to spread goodness), but I do know how I want to live my life.

I've been attending an amazing seminar entitled the "Possible You" provided by Rabbi Yom Tov Glaser. It's been incredibly insightful and very moving. I had a breakthrough today during one of the exercises. Since my teenage years I have found it very difficult to remember a lot of my youth. I figured I blocked most of it out and would never be able to remember. Today, during the seminar I was able to see SO much of my past. The Good, the bad and the ugly. I saw an image of myself at 4 years old and understood who I used to be. I took my four year old self through my life, one important moment to the next. He is free of all of the shields I have put up over the years, free of the drama, the negativity, the bad decisions. He's me before I stopped being me. Now I understand more of who I am. I did something I've only done once in the past 6 years. I cried.

I am so thankful for the upbringing that I had. For the family that supported and loved me. My beautiful mother, caring and nurturing me. My wonderful father, always guiding me in the right direction. My amazing siblings who gave me endless opportunities.

I was never a good role model for my siblings. I cared less about them than what I did the outside world. In my attempt to fit in with my peers I developed into someone who wasn't me. The closer I got to my goal of "being cool" the further I got from my values. I ended up hurting a lot of people. I lashed out at my family; they clashed with my goals. I destroyed my relationships with my brother and sister. Thankfully, with the help of some advice from a mentor and friend I was able to start mending my relationship with my sister before I left for Israel. Hopefully I will be able to create a sense of trust with my brother so that we can rekindle having a real relationship as well. Mom, Dad, Kira and Ben thank you so much for being my family. You are a Blessing and I love all of you very much.