A Matter of Perspective

"If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid." -Q, Star Trek the Next Generation

06:30
The stars are all gone now, replaced by a myriad of colors just making their way over the Eastern mountains. The valley and foothills to my left cease to be outlines and start to take form. I see cows in the pastures and cars starting to make their way from village to village. It seems as if the World is awakening. The birds are up now, singing to each other. It almost sounds as if they're saying their morning prayers, as I will be in just a few more minutes... "Amod Noach!" I hear. Instantly and without conscious thought I move my left leg out and tilt my M-16 forward with my right hand. "Amod Dom!" I resume position. To my left and right, soldiers stand solid and stiff, awaiting. The Commanders take their places in front of us. Previously only a dream, I am now only moments from making it reality. The flag is raised, saluted. And now: "Col Od Balevav..." We sing the Israeli national anthem, for the first time as soldiers, for the first time fully understanding what it means: As long as in the heart, within, a Jewish soul yearns and forward, towards the East an eye looks to Zion: Our hope is not yet lost! The hope of two thousand years. To be a free people in our land, the land of Zion and Jerusalem. I think about what that really means. It's easy to understand the words or the history or the dream, but to Live It, that is something else entirely. This is it, this is the hope - I'm living the hope! Shivers run down my spine and my eyes water up with tears of elation. 'Don't forget this, don't ever forget this moment and don't ever forget why you're here.' I tell myself.

22:58
I furiously scramble back to my room, bumping off walls like a pinball trying not to drop anything ... 'Why was there such a big line at the bathroom?' I ask myself. It feels like I was waiting for eternity to take my contacts out. Finally next to my bunk bed, i carefully throw my contact solution, water bottle, pants and shirt into an organized mess on top of my duffel bag. I jump on to the top bunk, adjust my luxurious pillow (really just my army jacket) and pull the sleeping bag on top of me. Now that I'm lying down I realize how exhausted I really am, it feels like I could sleep for days. I glance at my watch, 7 seconds left... I guess I could have relaxed a little more and taken my time. I shut off the lights just as the door opens. "Laila Tov (goodnight)" the Samelet (division Commander) says. "Laila Tov HaSamelet" we respond in unison. The door closes and there's silence for a few seconds has we hear her footsteps walking away. I'm already half asleep. "Laila Tov Americans" I hear Vladimir say. I smile: "Laila Tov Russians" I quietly respond. "Russians?" he says, "We are not Russians! I'm from Ukraine, Dimitry is from Moldova and Dimi is from Kazakhstan.". I had no idea. "I'm sorry" I reply, "Goodnight, Ukraine, goodnight Moldova, goodnight Kazakhstan.". "Thank you" Vladimir replies. A few more seconds go by, and again I can feel myself falling into the heavenly bliss that is sleep. "Just to set the record straight" Leon bursts out, "I'm not from America, I'm from Venezuela. Ephraim here is from Australia and Simcha is from Canada.". Vladimir responds: "Oh, you're from Venezuela... wow... LAILA TOV!". The entire room explodes with laughter, partly from exhaustion... but mostly from Vladimir's delivery and the ridiculousness of the conversation. We all truly feel like brothers, but because the only common language between us is Hebrew it's incredibly difficult to really get to know everyone... how could we have spent a month together and not know what COUNTRY our brothers are from? The door slams open and the room goes silent. "Everyone who just laughed on your feet and outside NOW!" the Samelet commands. Three of us get up and go outside. "You have 5 minutes to change into full uniform and report for sport" she says. Sport really just means a whole hell of a lot of sprinting from object to object, push ups, sit ups, up downs and etc... the type of stuff you're not particularly keen on doing when all you really want is to sleep. 45 minutes later and the three of us return to our room. I'm a sweaty mess. Everyone inside is sleeping. I climb back onto my bed in the dark wondering why in the world I (one of the shortest guys in the room) chose a top bunk. I guess when I see bunk beds I think of summer camp. This is definitely not summer camp. I lay down and think to myself as I close my eyes: 'This too is a moment that I won't soon forget.'

That's what life has been like for my first two months in the army... ups and downs. Sometimes it's REALLY good and sometimes it's REALLY bad. For some, going through 0-2 basic may be the hardest thing they have ever had to do in their lives. I'm not ashamed to admit that it's tough. It takes a lot of mental and personal discipline. Everyday I'm told what to do and when to do it by a girl who is 4 years younger than me. She's my commander. Most days I get screamed at or yelled at or treated like a little kid because someone somewhere at sometime messed up on something... not necessarily me. But we're a unit, and we're a team, and we're brothers. Most times through basic I didn't understand exactly what I was supposed to do. The army only speaks to you in Hebrew, and I don't speak Hebrew... yet (I'm almost at conversational). The only way I could handle the experience was to do my best, give the maximum I could give 100% of the time. It's all about perspective... sure there are parts that are shitty... but so what? I expected that. Just accept that whatever I'm not enjoying is going to be unenjoyable. Something being unenjoyable doesn't excuse me from giving my all. Realize that it will pass. Keep things in perspective... that there is nothing else that I would truly rather be doing than protecting my people and in order to do that I have to go through the entirety of the process good and bad. Suddenly it's not so hard. Suddenly it's not so tough. It takes a lot of energy, but it's worth it. I worked as hard as I could through basic, both on what I needed to do and on helping other soldiers that were having a hard time. I'm proud of how I handled my first couple of months in the army and I should be. At our graduation ceremony I was recognized by my Commanders as being the top soldier in the unit through basic and was given the honor of carrying my Commanders weapon. That too, is a moment that I won't forget.

There are so many stories and so much more to update, but it will have to wait until next time.

Finally I want to say: A special Thank You Thank You Thank You to Ami, Paul and Danielle, and JMill! You are all Tzadikim! I can't describe how horrible it feels to not know where you're going to sleep; and how amazing it feels to have people so openly and warmly invite and insist on having me stay with them, help me out with storing my bags, make sure I have a nice Shabbat Dinner, a hot shower, and a place to do laundry. Unbelievable. You are truly friends of the highest caliber and incredible human beings. Those too are moments that I won't forget.